...misc

Doggy Therapy

To tell if your dog has a problem ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does your dog know the spelling, Latin root and French translation of the word "walk," yet is unable to grasp the meaning of the word "come"?
2. Does your dog immediately leap on a cat, bunny rabbit, or child upon hearing the words "Don't worry he LOVES cats, bunny rabbits and children"?
3. Is your dog shameless, graceless, without dignity and extremely in touch with his inner puppy?
4. Does he wake you up in the middle of the night to warn you of the dangers of a kitchen chair, then sleep through the theft of all your valuable possessions?
5. Does he develop a tragic and profound deafness at the sound of "It's time to go home," yet possess bionic hearing at the sound of a can opener?

If you answered "yes" to most of these questions...

Relax, your dog is normal ;)

Dog Etiquette

Basic House Rules for Dogs
1. If you have to throw up, get into a chair, QUICKLY! If you can't manage that in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, any good rug will do.
2. ALWAYS accompany guests to the bathroom. It's not necessary to do anything; just sit and stare.
3. Do not allow closed doors in ANY room. To get a door opened, stand on your hind legs and hammer with your forepaws.
4. When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up and consoled with food.
5. Once a door is opened, it's not necessary to use it. After you've ordered an outside door opened, stand halfway in and halfway out and think about several things. It's particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, and mosquito season.
6. Begin people training early. You'll then have a smooth-running household. Humans need to know the basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.

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Why Dogs Don't Use Computers

1. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
2. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
3. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
4. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
5. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
6. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing
7. Surfs ww.pethouse.com instead of working.
8. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
9. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand ...
10. SmellYou-SmellMe still in beta test.
11. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
12. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
13. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
14. Too Damn Hard To Type With Paws

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Virallista

Pika | Quick

The basics

...misc

Doggy Therapy

Dog Etiquette

Why Dogs Don't Use Computers